I can say anything to my best friend:
Icecream, left dimple!
Look at this ingrown hair, I found it waxing.
Grow up you fuckwit.
You can do it!
I think I’m a lesbian.
Congratulations! What date?
I’m halfway around the world and I fuck Stan Gordon from school!?!?
Wedding was gorgeous. Sorry about the vomit.
Fuck. I’m pregnant.
Can’t believe your wife is a cheating slut.
Knew you could do it!
Lost the baby.
Remember schoolies!? Your eyebrows?! That was me!
I can’t believe that was you! I was suspended!
But there’s one thing I can’t say.