Sunday Sesh: Are You Homicidal or Suicidal?

My school friend Jackie Jones thinks very differently compared to me and most people. I think it stems from the fact that in the kitchen of her house, the cold water tap is on the left and the hot water tap is in the right; which, if you’re in to taps, if you use them on a daily basis (hoping you do), then you would realise that this in fact, “the wrong way round”.

I think for Jackie Jones, growing up in a house with round-the-wrong-way-taps has led to some sort of rewiring of her brain. I stayed with Jackie Jones recently and every time I used the kitchen tap, I could audibly hear the clicking sound my brain made when it had to switch from left to right brain and vice versa. This same click in my brain now occurs when Jackie Jones boldly declares some observation about life; like sound effects for an epiphany that resembles an alert on your iPhone when you receive a message. I wish I could set it to swoosh.

Jackie Jones asked me one day, “are you homicidal or suicidal?”
(Click, click, click).
“I mean some people take all of their anger out on other people, you know, hack them to death in a rage to seek satisfaction. They are homicidal. Others however, take everything out on themselves, they blame themselves. They are suicidal”.
“Oh. Ahh…”
“Because I am definitely homicidal. I mean if someone hurts me I will hurt them until I don’t hurt anymore and there is no room for guilt or regret. You hurt me, you get slashed to death!”

I am definitely suicidal.

This made me wonder a little bit (click). If someone hurts me, why do I blame myself? Why, when I’m angry or upset, don’t I just take it all out on the person who hurt me? Or someone else? Or some innocent bystanders? Children and cute puppies? I COULD BE HOMICIDAL TOO!!!

I don’t know why.

Is it inevitable that when we feel angry we seek a way to release this anger or hurt in some shape or form? Or are we supposed to be mature enough to control ourselves and not even hold this conversation?

So, ask yourself this: in the words of my good friend Jackie Jones – are you homicidal or suicidal?