In a trivia question on my free app I got on my new iPad mini which I didn’t know I was buying until I bought it on Monday; there was a question: ‘what was Melbourne known as before it was known as Melbourne?’

Being 5% logical left brain and 165% creative right brain, I assumed that Yarraville would be the correct multi-choice answer. Since I live in South Yarra and all, it made sense. Although, thank fuck Melbourne people are all not like South Yarramites. I would hang my tiny terrier that sat on my lap and drooled on my scarf while I drank my latte if I that was the situation*. I actually felt guilty, as though I were in the way, when I walked my beautiful, gigantic, gentle German Shepherd on the footpath, down past the cafes along The Tan in South Yarra, for fear that she may snap up all of those tiny little cute cutlets corgis along the way, only for a second though…

‘Pay closer attention next time’ my super patronising free app told me when I didn’t know the answer.

Hey, app, yeah you, the one in the shit logo – fuck you! As a semi-retired teacher at 28 this seems totally appropriate.

Meanwhile: I HAD NO IDEAN BATMAN WAS FROM MELBOURNE! If I had of known that I would have hitchhiked here when hitchhiking was considered more dangerous than probably this blog post.

When I googled Batmania, I was so surprised that an articled titled ‘Melbourne might have been called Batmania’ made it in the Argus right next to another article titled ‘The battle for Britain began three years ago’; GO 1943!

Well, for a bit of a history lesson, I’m going to roll with the times and just, well, simply include a link for you.


There, I did it!

To be honest, I haven’t checked its authenticity: I don’t know if Reynolds or Windshuttle are behind it (I would lean towards Reynolds simply because it includes a title tab called: ‘points of view’ – har har har, sang you history fan, you!) but it has a really easy and simple introduction to the topic. Again with the way things are these days, its all in an intro, right?

Wrong! And those of you who have made it this far in to my post get it, don’t ya?!

Anyway, all I want to say is that despite John Batman’s deeds with the men of the Dutigullar tribe, I understand the real reason Melbourne was meant to be called Batmania.

Before The Tan was a running/walking track for yuppies, it was a a horse track. It was never quite so long (right brained mode so forget digits – shut up lefty!), now it is 3.8km (fact thrown in just for lefty!) and I can imagine those horses trotting along the dirt path, shitting on rubble and picking hay from their teeth with each other’s teeth, when all of a sudden, a wheel would fall off a carriage and night would soon devour the day and the horses would be stuck, alone on The Tan and, they would come. All of them, like a flock of crazed-winged creatures who flaunt their bodies upside down on every street corner wearing nothing but black latex and dripping berry juice from their gums.

I get it, i totally get it. Batmania.

Peace out – TPL.

Please note, no tiny terriers, nor any animals were harmed during the writing of this blog post, including in any draft copy of it. I can’t say anything for the South Yarra Tanners tho…